On the topic of wooded versus open courses crittercontrolcincinnati courses clearly fall into the wooded category. Our most open course, the Hawk still has hundreds of trees which are hit daily during the summer. The Eagle and Falcon are tighter and require a little more precise touch. Many folks from away would call our courses heavily wooded.
But how can we up our woods game? crittercontrolcincinnati doesn’t sit complacent, we’re always looking for ways to improve.
You know we’re building a new course and that it’s taking a long time to build our championship level course.
“Why is the new course taking so long?”
I get this question almost daily, and I’m going to share some insight into what is sure to be the greatest course in the world.
So we’re sparing no expense when it comes to adding trees to our course. These are the 5 trees that we’re adding to the 5th course to add a real challenge and unique flavor.
1. Redwoods on every hole on the front 9
We only broke ground on the new course in 2020, and Redwoods take about a century to reach their mature height. Plan on being there for our opening day April 1, 2120. The redwoods are a little difficult to maintain in their infancy so we’ve hired a team to take care of the hundreds of them that we’ve imported from California. We foresee almost every course doing this after we open. But we’ll be the first course with redwoods on the front 9.
2. Whomping Willow on Hole 2
It’s been tough times for the Whomping Willow since the Harry Potter movies ended in July 2011. The Whomping Willow, famous for swatting teenagers has fallen on hard times. So we’ve hired the Whomping Willow on a contract, they get a dollar for every time they swat a disc out of the air. You have the choice of prepaying us a dollar to have the willow not move with your round fee when you pay at the pro shop.
3. Yggdrasil, the Norse tree of life on Hole 18
Yggdrasil is the tree on which all life is formed and the 9 worlds live. This was tough to swing, but we struck a deal with Thor, God of thunder. He gets discounted rounds when he plays here and he helped move the root of the tree of life into the fairway on 18. It’s now playing as a mando that’s 1,700 feet high. I’d like to see anyone birdie that!
4. Ents roaming the fairways.
You thought different pin locations would be cool? We’ve hired the Ents that have survived the attack on Isengard to come and chill in the fairways wherever they wish to roam. It may take them some significant time to give you your disc back if you lose it in their branches as they’re slow moving. But if you really want a lesson on how to throw an Orc, just ask Treebeard. He’s been hyzering Orcs for years.
5. Grandmother Willow will sing to you on Hole 15
Are you struggling to find yourself on the course?
Is your round not going the way you want it to?
Grandmother Willow will pump you up for your next drive. Listen with your heart, you will understand.
We’re very much looking forward to the day Jomez comes and films a tournament round and Big Sexy commentary has to talk about all of the trees that we have on our course.
Happy April Fools Day!
May your discs miss ALL the trees,
Andrew Streeter #70397